Outlasted by a Lightbulb

As I was completing the purchase of a light bulb the other day, the 20-something saleswoman informed me that, at three hours of use each day, the bulb I was buying would last 22.8 years. To which I deadpanned, “Well, then, I guess it will outlive me.” She just stared at me, her mouth open but speechless…..at less than one-third my age, without creases or age spots, her porcelain face so innocent of the high-class problems that perplex a middle-class old man.

I expect certain products to come with extended warranties — for example, big capital investments like metal roofing and replacement windows carry guarantees of 30, 40 and even 50 years. But when a person reaches the point of puchasing a routine consumer product which is projected to outlive the buyer, it tends to make that person pause…..and, in my case, to get impatient with modern home appliances.

It annoys me that so many appliances we are made to purchase today are so grossly inferior to the items they replace and which may have served us for decades, and our parents before us. Dealers today offer expensive service agreements and warranties to repair or replace appliances they know cannot hold up to normal use. Compounding the problem, today’s appliances come loaded with far too many features that far too frequently malfunction. These features add to the total price and distract from the true purpose of the product.

Furthermore, the new appliances rarely do their jobs as well as the old. Promoted to be energy-efficient and water-saving, “modern” dishwashers and clothes washers take four times as long to do their jobs, which they do poorly, necessitating repeat operations.

So, while it’s nice to know this inexpensive light bulb will still be shining in early 2042, it’s distressing to anticipate that, before this bulb dims, most of my high priced appliances will need to be replaced several times over.

By the way, if you find yourself lost in the southwest corner of Missouri, just north of Diamond (population 909) on State Highway 59, you might discover that a shrine there for small appliances is an interesting stop. It’s called “World’s Largest Small Electrical Appliance Museum.”

JER